Sometimes it’s the pile of too-small clothes in the donation box that makes a parent cry.
Sometimes it’s breaking down the crib and carrying it out for the yard sale pile that makes a parent cry.
I did both of those things today without shedding tears.
Maybe somewhere between re-folding the stacks of yard sale blankets and picking up the 700th Hot Wheels car, I lost it.
It started small with pinched, down-turned corners of my mouth and squinty eyes. That’s a pretty picture, huh? Did you just try it? Yup, it was that awkward. So thankful that the kids were out on the river with my husband and not at home to see me twisting my face crazy ways. Within about 5 minutes, irregular rhythms of previously stifled sobs and sniffles were bursting into the empty house.
Nobody’s going off to college; Nobody’s going for an extended stay in a hospital room.
I’m moving our girl out of the room she’s shared with middle brother for the last 2 1/2 years, and she’s only going on the other side of the wall. She’ll have her own space, and baby brother will move to the bottom bunk. I’m not too upset about being done with the crib (yet.) I’m sad that moving her out probably means changes in her relationship with her brother.
She needs her own space more and more as she is getting older, and there are several other great reasons that swapping rooms has to be done.
But the way they play together 80% of the time? It’s precious, and I hate being the one to initiate changes that might mean they’re not as close.
My sister pointed out today that I don’t know what positive changes between them it might bring about that I can’t foresee. She’s right. And already tonight, I heard middle brother talking about himself in ways that sounded like he might be gaining some much-needed sense of maturation. Halleluuuu-yer! That brought tremendous relief, because I was seriously concerned about jealousy on his part, too.
In an odd way, the pain of moving on from one chapter in their childhood brought me joy. There are days when I’m too busy or too self-absorbed to be the mom I really want to be, but having my heart break over 10 feet of floor space reminds me that God is slowly making me into who he wants me to be.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (Philippians 2:3, emphasis mine)