you may say i’m a dreamer…

Some of you may have read posts from my New Normal series back in the Fall.  If so, you’ll understand how I could be so motivated and end up doing very little.  About a week and a half ago, I had probably the worst day I’ve had with fibromyalgia.  It took 4-5 days to get past that flare, but that was complicated by a sinus infection and a stomach thing.  I’m not sure if it was a stomach bug or if it was side effects of 2 doses of a fibro drug that I took.

All that to say that one doctor has now given me a fibro diagnosis.  In the meantime, I have bloodwork, a skin punch biopsy, an MRI, and a glucose tolerance test scheduled to continue to look for causes of neuropathy in my feet. (And now I think in my arms?)  We did an EMG in January because of the feet thing, and again I was told, “Looks normal!”  Yeah.emgThis being-motivated-but-not-able on many days is problematic for me.  I’m a daydreamer and a worrier, so having lots of time on a couch obviously doesn’t help me balance my imagination with action.  Here is my imagination when I’m not on the couch:

We got a fantastic new sporting goods store in my little town.  Walking the aisles, I know I’m going to go hiking and rollerblading and probably start cycling.

I take my daughter to get a library card.  Standing at the check-out desk, I see myself writing lesson plans here on Thursdays.  Too bad I can’t bring coffee.  I’m also going to check out really cool books that impress the librarians with my excellent choices.

Tsh Oxenrider shares tips on book writing, and oh, man!  I need to set some deadlines for myself on that devotional for teachers.

The Children’s Council meets at my house.  I’m going to revamp this Children’s Church thing, and it is going to be the best.  So much more Jesus-centered, and the kids will beg to go on Sundays.

I wake up.  Today’s the day that I will have clean surfaces and buy the perfect living room floor lamp that only costs $30.

Derek Webb tweets about his wife’s new album.  Why do I not know all their music?  I will fit in a songwriting session on Thursday, too — right after I vacuum the studio lobby for the dance teacher.

We discuss Chapter 2 of The Case for Faith in Sunday School.  Next week, I will have caught up on the reading and bring in more research on related scriptures and give a presentation on sponsoring a child through Compassion International.

Pinterest shows me a baby sweater soaked in sweetness.  I’m getting out that yarn tonight and learning to knit for my niece due in March.  No, I’m not.  I’m calling Tracy to help me finish this baby quilt that my grandmother started.  I stopped working on it a year ago.

You come to my house (theoretically) and tell me about your new project.  I am so interested.  I want to help you with that.

I just found this picture of myself at my sister’s wedding rehearsal last month.  The hands say, “I am a bridesmaid.  I hold flowers.”  The eyes say, “Where are my children?”presentnotpresentIs there such a thing as Life ADD? If so, I have it.  Can this woman learn to be more present where she is?  Can she choose to set aside some things in order to actually obtain others?  If so, I’m going to try it.

I’m setting some very specific goals to be completed by the end of this school year and share them with two women who I know will check in on my progress.  I have to make the most of the days that I am able and be content to purposefully rest (physically and mentally!) on the days that I’m not.  Here’s to less mental wandering and less subsequent guilt over shoulda-woulda-coulda.

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31 days of a new normal {day 21} just bust a move

This post is part of a month-long series.  You can read the rest here.

Q:  How do you know when to take a cookie to the doctor?

A:  When it’s feeling crumby.

(Thanks to my 6 year old for putting me on to that one.)

A few weeks ago, I joined a Facebook group for people with chronic illnesses.  It’s pretty neat, because the women in the group really do a great job encouraging each other. I think they need each other, because each of us need to know that someone really, truly gets it.

I haven’t “introduced” myself to the group yet, though.  There I sit in a folding chair under the ceiling-suspended basketball goal, trying to decide if I’m going to get up for a fourth glass of punch.  It’s not that I don’t like the people.  I’m just not sure if I belong.

I’m glad I committed to write this series, because it’s making me deal with what’s happening.  I finally understood tonight that I’m really uncomfortable with being labeled with a chronic illness, but I don’t even know why yet.

Writing this post is kind of like not wanting to walk out onto the dance floor and instead choosing to bust a move on the stage.  That sounds like me.

English: Peanut butter cookie with a chocolate...

step two

I’m writing an e-book.  Ebook?  E-Book?  I should probably find out the proper way to write that since I’m writing one and all.  I’m having a hard time publicly admitting this, because my imaginary wall chart titled “Finished Projects” isn’t full of gold stars.  Heck, that wall chart is just titled “Finis.”  I’d really like to put “Wrote The Book That Had Been On My Heart For Years” on a list of completed tasks.  When you’ve developed a reputation for enthusiasm sans follow-through, you tend to get scared to announce that you’re excited about yet another new idea.

Why me?  I can think of a eight reasons in less than 30 seconds why someone else is more qualified to write a devotional for teachers and administrators. For example, in three days, I’ll be finishing only my eighth year of teaching.  And yet, I’ve been reading about writing, thinking about writing, talking about writing…  (My sweet husband is probably thrilled to hear the click of this keyboard instead of the click of my tongue right now.)  I came to the conclusion that I should write it because God put it on my heart.  You know, the ol’ “‘Cause I Said So” rhetoric.  Done.

So, I started sketching out my topics for “Meditations for Educators” (working title) about a week ago on.  And now, I’m typing them and organizing them.  You know it’s for real when you put it in an Office document, right?

Topic Ideas